Shapeshifter PR is proud to report Bill “CUCKO!!” Braaaaains Barnes’ recent success on the internet. Although he has a song about death metal bird calls, “Tits” is really where Barnes caught his first break (poor guy finally caught a brake).
After seeing a tufted-black-crested titmouse for the first time, his grandmother scolded him. He had to convince his grandmother his intentions were not vulgar, it was simply the name of the bird, but she still didn’t believe him, so he whipped out his trusty guide manual: “Southern Texas Birds” by professor Haoory Hooligar, and proved his grandmother it was just a bird. She quit shaking her head after a while and accepted it as a real thing, although was still pissed at Billie baby bird for using such crude language in a house of the LORD!
Your childhood developing years are tough, and his grandmother scolding him after seeing his favorite bird of all time was too much for Cucko Brains. He got into doing drugs, buying hookers, he had a drinking problem (couldn’t reach the water), gambling, riding roller coasters really fast and tearing the tags off mattresses. He had severe PTSD and didn’t know where to turn. The forests were where he belonged, but the thought of tits no longer excited him, even when their crest thrusts high in the air, gleaming like grey-haired punk rockers with a mullet.
So Bill went down a morbid path. This harrowing experience made him attempt suicide twice. Bill sniffs and comments: “I was drunk as fuck everyday. I didn’t want to go birding. I didn’t want to chase tail feathers and look for a new nest, anything. I was down and out…I was down further in the swamp than a muck-raking chicken duck. Anyhow, what brought me back was watching this pelican swallow a pigeon.”
Then he watched “Traces of Death II” (“Faces” was good, but this was 100% real) with that old school Century Media soundtrack, Bill unhooked his beak from his cage and starting banging his head like a cockatoo!
Then one day while he was out at Blunt Creak burnin’ a doober, he listened to the call of the White-eyed Vireo and went home in wonder, cranking Cannibal Corpse “Tombs of the Mutilated.”
Bill continues: “My life changed drastically since that incident. I could get my mind back on what I love: seeing humans die miserably, cannibals, birds, birds, bird, boobs, boobs, BOOOOBIES!”
Right after this conversation Bill had a relapse and went back to the mental institution where he wonders why they won’t let this caged bird sing. He just wants to vent his sexual frustration on staff members and do it with karaoke style “Making Love to Meadowlark Calls.” This gets all their tale feathers flashing. “Tits” was the perfect medium to express this frustration, his love for tits (human and avian) and, well, his love for boobies.